Marry me?
by Kate Ferguson
Summary: A different account of what happens a year after Lockdown, please R&R should I continue or give up now? LOL


Abby collapsed down on the couch in the lounge room and felt tears sting her eyes. This was definitely the worst day she had ever had at County. More embarrassing than the day her Mum decided to show up unannounced and walk around wearing a dress that was far too short and far too revealing for Chicago at that time of year, and having to put up with all the guys (Even Carter, of all people) eye her up! More tense than the day she basically shouted out her feelings to John Carter and he turned away with that smug grin, and more painful than the day afterwards as she walked into work and saw him kissing that bloody blonde thing. She was definitely leaving, definitely going the 12 hour flight to London and hopefully before the 26th (with any luck!) And to think this morning she was that close to tearing that letter up and throwing that letter in the bin. That close to throwing away the chance of a life time! And for what? Something was definitely keeping her here but she couldn't see it. Something that had put her in a great mood last night kept her in it's bubble this morning and then dropped her without warning when she came to work. Of course it had nothing what so ever to do with that grim reaper (who always showed up to spoil things) suddenly placing his things in his locker this morning. She eyed his name on the locker "Lockhart". OK so she didn't particularly like him especially when he barged in on her life like he had done this morning, but he wasn't enough to make her feel this depressed this quickly, not anymore. She was pissed though, and with good reason to be! He wasn't even supposed to be in this state and yet he was here in her hospital laughing with her friends as though he'd known them for five years. And to top this off apparently they had all known he was coming to work here for a month now and it had just slipped their minds that she might want to know her ex husband was going to be her co-worker. Oh but don't worry though Carter had decided that she would be fine about it! Hadn't bothered to check it with her first though had he. Well maybe it had slipped his mind with all his wedding plans! Yes! John Carter was getting married..to Susan Lewis! Well maybe she had just misheard a year ago when he told her he was in love with her, and maybe she had just misread the blindingly obvious signals since then. "Susan Carter!" She smirked to any empty room. God how crap does that sound? You see Abby Carter could be acceptable, not that she'd ever go there of course-she did have some taste! And all those posh dinners and big family gatherings-not for her!  
  
Suddenly she was in dire need of a cigarette but knew as soon as she walked out that door she would get caught up by the ER tidal wave. She edged the door open, Weaver was nowhere in sight nor was Richard. She slid the door open a bit more Carter and Susan were nowhere to be seen either-so no awkward confrontations with them. No nobody for miles around, other than patients of course (They, like normal were crowding every inch of the corridor) she made a dash for outside and wasn't caught. Last nights rain hadn't seized. In fact if anything it had got worse it was pelting it down. She pulled a fag out of her already sodden jacket pocket and attempted the impossible-of making a lighter work when the rain put out any flash of flame. Eventually after what must have been ten minutes she placed the fag in with her mouth and inhaled quickly, God that felt better. She let her thoughts trail on to Carter and Susan again; they could make an OK couple, if that's what he really wanted. They were friends before they got together which helps, and they had been dating for about a year. She definitely should have listened to her brother when she got engaged to Richard five months isn't long enough to make a lifetime commitment. She just knew she wouldn't be able to bare it if Carter ended up the same way as she did at the end of her marriage. OK so he was over a year clean but he wasn't strong enough yet, he was nowhere near strong enough yet. Her thoughts were interrupted by an ambulance cry and she ducked behind a dumpster, the last thing she needed right now was a trauma, in ten minutes she'd go in and face some minors but she would definitely break down if she faced one now.  
  
She walked into the back alley, god it stunk! but at least it gave her time to get away for a bit. Druggies and drunks crowded each square centimetre and the smell of urine was enough to make you retch. As she edged along the side of the alley a tramp held out a brown plastic bag for her. "Drink" He half spluttered half said through a cigarette in his mouth She rejected and basically ran out again she caught a split second of noise, the paramedics stating the cause of injury and Holay try to calm down a crying relative and then the sound passed as the injured were rushed into the ER. She backed away from the dumpster into the pit of night and heard familiar laughter coming towards her. As her eyes became used to the dark she could see two figures making there way to the hospital from the direction of Doc Magoos. Although they looked more like one they were huddled so close together. She could just about make out colour and realised it was the husband and wife to be laughing as they battled against the wind. Susan's hair was blowing around wildly and Carter was holding his coat around her shoulders. God he really did know how to pick them didn't he! She wasn't even that pretty, OK so she was very intelligent but what exactly did they have in common? What on earth did they find to talk about? Not that she was jealous, no way. She tried to listen in on their conversation but all she heard was laughter, constant laughter, constant uncontrollable laughter. Suddenly. Without warning. She felt the feeling at the bottom of her stomach. The feeling she hadn't felt for twelve long months. The feeling that meant she needed alcohol. She needed more than alcohol. She needed to get so badly plastered she passed out and woke up in hospital somewhere. She walked over to the previous bloke. He once again stuck out his dirty disgusting hand containing the brown paper bag. She received it and after taking the longest swig possible without choking lay down on the sidewalk. She could see the stars much clearer down here, each one different though the same. Each sparkling diamond lighting the earth. Gradually as she watched and drank lying on the sidewalk of Chicago the stars seemed to fade into the background into the darkness of the night.  
  
"Sats are coming back up" Holay instructed "OK Thank you everyone" Carter spat across the table Luka and Holay crept out leaving him alone with her. Leaving him alone with this stupid girl. What the hell did she think she was doing? Why the hell did she decide to drink that much? Although he knew the answers to both these questions they didn't run true. This morning, when he told her about his wedding he watched her smile die. He watched her bubble burst. Although he was sure it was more to do with the presence of Richard rather than his announcement. And anyway-what right did she have to be jealous? She didn't want him. Unless she was one of those girls who only want something when they can't have it. She must be. Which just made her sickeningly week. And drinking this much alcohol just proved it. He thought she was strong enough not to taste another drop. He was wrong. She wasn't strong at all. But then she had been through so much, so much unbearable stuff. She must be strong to get through that. And she did get through that. She was here and fit and contained. She was here and amazing. "I'm ready to go" He heard a familiar voice trickle through his thoughts but the words didn't make sense to him "Carter" He snapped out of his daydream and looked around. It was Susan scrubs off casual clothes on standing at the door "I'm going home" She repeated "Oh right" He answered not clear on what he was supposed to say "I'll see you tomorrow" She turned away "Yeah" He said returning his gaze to the crumpled figure on the hospital bed. The sickening, jealous, ignorant, weak, strong, sensible, amazing figure. The girl that no matter how awful things looked if you caught a glimpse of that smile the sun would be out again. The girl who's emotional strength was second to none, who had been put through everything from a young age but was here and.incredible. The girl who if he was completely 100% honest with himself was the girl he was in love with, the girl he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. Sure Susan was pretty and amusing, but there was something in the back of his mind that kept the name Abby alive. She twitched uncomfortably in her dreams and he automatically reached for her hand to calm her down. What was he doing with Susan? Who was he trying to kid? 


End file.
